Going home

I'm going home soon... in 4days later. There still 3 more days of shoot to be done. I so glad that this project is finishing soon. I have NEVER felt so relieved that a project is ending. I must admit that Glen is a very nice man although temperamental at times. It takes some time for both of us to know each other. And he does treat me very well, always making sure that I'm happy with things.

My DOP and i was talking the other day and we causally spoke about our thoughts of this production. Like I said to him, my hands are tied. In a Asia film production, a 1st AD doesnt have as much power and authority as a 1st AD in UK or US. Here in Asia, when i'm slightly fiercer to people (which i was for the 1st 3weeks), I will be condemn as a bad and evil person and its a BIG NO NO NO. These people doesnt even know that there so many times i save their ass, their job and all they know is to turn round to the producer and cry that I have been a big meanie. There so many many times Director will questioned me what they are doing, are they doing their work. It very very tough. When things goes wrong and the Director questioned, it will always be me who get the blame and scolding first even though it completely none of my biz. That why from that day onwards, I refused to help anyone anymore. If they dont do it well, Director will scream at them not me.

I know T is trying to talk to me again abt things, maybe to mend things up (I hope). When it rains yesterday and i was under the rain without hat or umbrella, i saw her walking towards me at the corner of my eyes with a umbrella wanting to shelter me. But I called for standby to go for a take and that was when she left. She ask me today if I want to go home on the 1st flight since B is flying off to Tokyo on the very same day I going back to sg. At least she is concerned that I do want to go back and see B. It will be another 6days more before i can meet B. She say at least i can drive him to the airport. Oh well, never mind la. I will have lots to say to him. Better see him when there more time for me.

This time round, I'm going back to rest. I mean Totally really rest for a month plus. I going to Shanghai in Oct since my parents are there. Going to eat lots of stuff there and buy lots. For sept, I think i going to revamp my room. Throw away MORE... more unwanted/useless things. i think less cluttered in the room in better for the energy and the mind. Its 12.30am and i have a early call tomolo. Tomolo i have a big scene that involves LOTS of choreography and smart extras. It tough cause we havent been getting the best extras in Penang. I hope the scene will work out well and we would be able to finish on time.

Truly hope that tomolo will not rain. Pls GOD. I have no more time to squeeze in any more scenes into any days. Let there be a sunny and blue day tomolo.

Reflection

This project in Penang has me thinking about a lot of things. During the course of this, I came to realized lots of things and learn more about people around me. People and things are not as simple as you think it is... It sadden me to think that some people who i used to think are very nice is not actually good.

Things I feel are not the same between T and me anymore. We need to talk about what happened cause if not we will always be bothered by the fact that we had this huge argument. i want to know what happened. T used to be able to tell me everything, eg: what she feel i have done wrong, her thoughts about situation, abt the project, about people. Yes, i must say she knows me well, but sometimes i feel that she doesnt. She knows that something must be bothering or affecting me for me to say that anyone can take over me anytime. Something about what P say. What she mentioned to me that day comforted me a little. But it also something that I know. I could have walk out of this project 2 weeks back, but i didnt. Only because of my director. I know he needs me and i do not want to break his trust. I spend at least 2 mths with him to get his trust. And P thinks that it so easy for anyone to take over me. hahahahaha. It makes me want to laugh sometimes.

This whole episode of things make me look at people closely. Tells me not to trust people so easily.

I need to go home, to find back my sanity in life.